Given Much

what do you love more than Him?

2012-01-31T12:37:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I watch a video and feel a nudge to share it here

in the hopes that it blesses someone else out there like it blessed me.

pitiful opulence

2012-01-12T07:13:00.001-08:00

source

perspective of a former orphan

2011-12-12T09:20:00.001-08:00

demolition

2011-12-05T04:00:00.000-08:00

Building up is fun...

Knocking down is funner.

a talking porcupine & his corn

2011-11-30T09:26:00.001-08:00

Okay people - crank up the VOLUME and listen to this precious little creation of God

talking about his love of corn on the cob.

Now tell me your day did not just get a little brighter?

Accentuate the Positive

2011-11-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

Watch it, love it, share it!!

fear defined

2011-11-21T05:04:00.001-08:00

This quote from Ann's book (One Thousand Gifts) really touched me.

I've battled fear and anxiety off and on for years ... and I've always known that what it really came down to was faith...

or a lack thereof.

If we truly believed that God is pure love and believed His promises that He will never leave us and His love never ends...

than fear would be extinct.

We would rest secure in the knowledge that our loving God would never allow anything to enter our lives that was not ultimately for our good.

God's love never ends.

We can rest because God's love never ends.

Madame GooGoo

2011-11-17T07:00:00.001-08:00

Wish I understood how a 1st grader in my daughter's Christian school came to "LOVE Lady Gaga" ...

but apparently she does.

Anyhoo...

when she told my daughter, (who is not familiar with Gaga),

(thank the good Lord)

my girl said "Ga Ga?? That's just nonsense."

----------------------

Out of the mouths of babes.

Photo Credit: MTV.com

mooned by a potato

2011-11-14T05:32:00.001-08:00

goose bumps

2011-11-10T05:44:00.001-08:00

I saw you meet your child today
You kissed your baby joyfully
And as you walked away with her
I played pretend you'd chosen me.

I'm happy for the baby, yet
Inside I'm aching miserably
I want to plead as you go by,
"Does no-one want a child of three?"

I saw you meet your child today
In love with her before you met
And as I watched you take her out
I knew it wasn't my turn yet.

I recognize you from last year!
I knew I'd seen your face before!
But you came for a second babe.
Does no-one want a child of four?

I saw you meet your child today
But this time there was something new
A nurse came in and took MY hand
And then she gave my hand to you.

Can this be true? I'm almost six!
And there are infants here, you see?
But then you kissed me and I knew
The child you picked this time was me

-The Waiting Child by Debbie Bodie

I've shared this before but it's worth repeating because this poem was instrumental in opening my heart to older child adoption.

It still gives me goose bumps.

This is not just an "Aww, how touching" poetic moment - THIS IS A REALITY for millions of orphans.

Every Single Day 38,243 children age out of the system and becoming legally unadoptable.

Let that really sink in.

Every 2.2 SECONDS another child (just like yours or mine) loses his or her chance at ever experiencing

a mother's lullaby or a father's bear hug...

and becomes a permanent orphan.

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is within your power to act." -Prov. 3:27

---------------

Click here and here to see photolistings of children who wait.

polish and pantiliners

2011-11-08T06:15:00.001-08:00

I hesitate to share stuff like this because I sometimes wonder if everybody already knows and I'm the only one who JUST FIGURED IT OUT!

But hey, I'll risk looking stupid for a tip this good.

The biggest reason I USED to hate wearing nail polish is what a pain in the toosh it is to TAKE IT OFF.

That awful smell of the polish remover infiltrates the whole house as it takes me forever and a day to get every last stubborn smudge of polish off with little bits of toilet paper or tissues.

But, alas, I recently discovered that if you use one of those "everyday pantiliners" it comes off in seconds!!

It must be something about that 'netting' cover over the pad - it gently scrubs while the pad underneath has soaked up the remover and just whooshes the polish away with the greatest of ease!!

(I rip the liners in half to save money since I don't need nearly the whole thing for a set of 10 nails - even with dark colored polish!!)

[Oh and I've only tried this with Wal-mart brand ("equate") everyday liners so I don't know if it works as well with other brands.]

And that, my bloggy friends, is one of the precious few beauty tips you will ever hear about on Given Much!

So tell the truth... am I the only one who didn't know this???

More Food!!

2011-11-07T06:36:00.001-08:00

We're (once again) trying to eat healthier - more whole foods, "closer to the ground" and what not.

{which, by the way, we sadly discovered does NOT mean eating your Twinkies on the floor}

My kids eat endlessly. I mean really. They could easily eat every single hour of the day if we would let them... and LARGE portions at that.

I understand that this is largely due to the fact that our 3 little ones all have very hyper tendencies and are, thus, constantly in motion - burning calories all over the place - but it can be tiring to hear the nonstop pleas for "MORE FOOD!!"

SO... I've been looking into more filling recipes that will buy us more than 5 minutes before they're "starving" again.

These are very hearty, very healthy, and... bonus... not gross! (NOTE: They're not sweet - so don't be thinking "traditional granola bar" - think more like oatmeal from your cereal bowl... in a brownie-like consistency. Soft and chewy. Like a breakfast bar.) [Next time we'll toss in a few choc. chips.]

Ingredients:

3 cups quick oats
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup raisins (or cranberries, dates etc)
1/2 cup sesame seeds (or flax, pumpkin, etc)
2 tsp cinnamon
½ tsp kosher salt
2 ½ cups skim milk
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1/4 to 1/2 cup brown sugar (optional)

Method:

Preheat oven to 350*
Mix dry ingredients.
Mix wet ingredients.
Pour wet into dry. Stir to combine.
Pour into a 9×13 baking dish either coated in cooking spray or lined with parchment.
Bake for 40 minutes.

This recipe was adapted from this website.

today is Orphan Sunday

2011-11-06T08:34:00.001-08:00

We can worship Christ in our sanctuaries

and we can pray to God on our knees,

but how we treat — or neglect – the person next door, the poor, every human being,

this is how we truly speak to Christ

and this is how we really treat Jesus.

-Ann Voskamp

my daughter's orphanage in India

an OJ Simpson moment

2011-11-04T09:58:00.001-07:00

As I've mentioned before, kids with attachment disorder are masters at playing dumb and lying about the obvious.

They are most definitely NOT dumb... but they are extremely good at pretending they are.

Today our dear Spicy just could not seem to get her gloves on to save her life.

Our older daughter (with bigger hands) demonstrated that the gloves fit even her larger hands just fine...

but Spicy claimed (with Oscar winning conviction) that the gloves were far too small to be put on.

All my other kids waited and watched (and sweated in their coats/gloves/hats/scarves) as Spicy tugged and fussed and moaned and grunted and fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally... praise the Lord... was able to get those itty bitty gloves on her big ol' mammoth hands.

*sigh*

[I wonder what my other kids think sometimes about these ridiculous fiascos that are a daily part of our existence.]

Every hour offers another (much needed) lesson in patience.

Anyone relate?

must see

2011-11-03T11:53:00.001-07:00

So I rarely watch these "must see" videos that people post every 5 minutes...

but if you've got a child who struggles, a child who's different, a child who people under estimate...

You gotta see this.

Thanks for sharing, Suzy.

stick-to-itiveness

2011-10-31T05:13:00.001-07:00

stick-to-itiveness: dogged perseverance; resolute tenacity; the quality that allows someone to continue trying to do something even though it is difficult or unpleasant

Example: My cat, Bindi, inspires me with her sticktoitiveness.

She has sat and starred at the gerbil cage for a solid year now (well, with the occasional bathroom break).

All the other cats in our household were fascinated with the gerbils upon arrival, but quickly tired of whamming their faces into the glass and gave up.

But not our Bindi.

Even though she has to straddle herself between the counter and the shelf and hold on for dear life with her little bitty paws... she persists.

Some might say "Dumb cat. Doesn't she realize it's never gonna happen?"

(ahem.. Grampa)

But 'I' say she's the epitome of determination, commitment and stick-to-itiveness.

She never gives up hope. Never quits. Keeps on keeping on even in the face of daily failure.

I could learn a lot from my cat.

stuff I learned this week

2011-10-28T05:24:00.001-07:00

There is simply no point in wearing eye liner on my bottom lid. No matter what brand I use, I will look like a drunk raccoon by the time I leave the bathroom.
If you drop your cordless phone in a sink of water - pull it out quick and dry it off - it may ACT like it's fine for a few days... but when you need it most it'll be deader than a doornail.
Gossip Girl is, in fact, as ridiculous, superficial and just plain pointless as it looks in all the commercials... maybe that's why I can't stop watching it.
The 7 year old boy who seemed way too sick to go to school at 7:00am will be bouncing off the walls ~~and driving you bananas~~ by 9:15am. Note to self: when in doubt - send him to school.
There is not a 'consequence' on planet earth that matters one tiny bit to a child with attachment disorder. Ask my daughter who screamed and fussed while writing "I Will Be Nice" 51 times... slammed down the pen... and repeated precisely the offense that bought her the 51 times to begin with.
Ben and Jerry are not my friends.

100!!

2011-10-27T12:18:00.001-07:00

Thank you Beret from One Family A to Z...

for being my 100th blog "follower"!!

Such a silly little thing, I know... but it made my day!!

Beret has a daughter from Ethiopia who knew our daughter Spicy. Check out her blog!

almost done

2011-10-26T12:22:00.001-07:00

Okay, time for a lighter moment.

So I'm just gonna take a second to brag on myself here.

It's not even Halloween and I'm almost done my Christmas shopping!!!

--insert happy dance--

Not only that... but I'm almost done shopping for 5 birthdays, 3 forever days, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our wedding anniversary which ALL come over the next couple of months.

But wait.... there's more!!

I'm 1/2 way done all the wrapping too!!

The reason this is so monumental is because I am N-O-T a well organized person.

Emphasis on the N-O-T.

However I am sick.and.tired of feeling nothing but STRESS during November and December.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are such beautiful holidays and some of my personal favorites, but they seem to get completely swallowed up by the CHAOS of last minute planning and gift buying.

So, since I loathe Halloween, doing all the hectic racing around searching for just the right gift during OCTOBER has been awesome because I've hardly had time to notice all the bloody corpses and decapitated skeletons dangling all over ever single isle of every friggin' store...

wait - this was supposed to be a "lighter" moment...

So, the point is that I'm almost done my Christmas shopping and wrapping.

Please commence admiration.

"I don’t love you"

2011-10-24T05:40:00.001-07:00

“I don’t love you and I will NEVER love you.”

One of my children said this to me during a recent therapy session.

One of my children whom I have comforted in the middle of the night, dried her tears, blown her nose and wiped up her blood.

She is emotionally scarred from trauma that no child should ever have to endure and, thus, her mission in life is to never attach to another mother figure again.

She learned early on that loving your mother equals uncontrollable loss and indescribable pain.

I don’t blame her for not wanting to feel that agony again.

But I won't deny that hearing her say it with words (and not just with actions) brought me a flood of feelings.

Sad, angry, rejected, hopeless.

I mean, daily she says she wants to go back to Ethiopia and never return.. never see us again.. but her wording this time was more direct.... more stinging.

Much work remains to be done in the healing of her heart.... but I must never lose hope.

He specializes in the seemingly impossible.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever!" - Ephesians 3:20

Update: I just wanted to add what I said to a commenter below, which is that I don't want to paint the picture that all kids this age will have attachment problems. I just want to be real about 'ours'. I have a friend who adopted a little girl the same age, with a very similar family background, from the same orphanage as our daughter and they don't seem to be having the problems that we are... so, just like people, every situation is different. And there is always hope!

10 years ago

2011-10-21T06:58:00.001-07:00

This was the faxed picture that we said YES! to 10 years ago.

The adoption agency suggested we wait until we read through her medical papers and looked over the info...

but as soon as we saw this fuzzy little ink blob, we knew God had destined her to be our daughter.

10 years later she is our beautiful, super charged, fast talking, cat loving, squeezable, silky haired, brilliant, compassionate, future doctor...... Boo.

My "first born".

She has my heart.

I mean she HAS it. It's hers... not mine.

Love is like that.

Happy Forever Day, Boo.

killed a spider with a dollar cause I didn't have a tissue

2011-10-20T07:21:00.001-07:00

are you aware?

2011-10-19T05:38:00.001-07:00

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.

I'll be honest and say that I used to think I could never adopt a child with Downs.

The whole thing seemed too intimidating and unknown.

However now I would seriously consider it if the time was right and God was leading us to adopt again.

This change of heart is partly due to what I've learned since adopting teens (which I said I'd never do) and an HIV+ child (which I said I'd never do).

However it was also largely due to 3 women who have talked openly about their Down Syndrome kiddos... Carolyn, Adeye, and Elizabeth.

I hope you'll check out their sites and learn more about these beautiful kids.... keeping an open heart and mind (no matter what you think you could never do!).

Click on any of these pics to read more about these sweet little ones who are waiting for families!

that explains it

2011-10-18T05:23:00.001-07:00

Source: lifeonthefrancofarm.blogspot.com via Chantelle on Pinterest

okay, this will thrill your soul

2011-10-17T06:48:00.001-07:00

I only need 4 more blog "Members" (aka Followers) to get to 100!!!

[If you're one of those big time bloggers who rake in followers by the thousands... please contain your giggles.]

For me ... it's a big deal.

SO... to encourage some of you readers of Given Much who have NOT yet joined to do so, I thought I should have a giveaway!!

I should give away an iPhone or an iPad or an iTouch to the 100th person to join!!

But then iRemembered that we don't have that kind of money.

So how about this instead... the 100th person to Follow my blog gets...

...drum roll please...

the satisfaction of knowing they made my day!!!

I know. Lame prize.

But hey, doesn't anybody do anything anymore JUST for the sole purpose of bringing joy to another human being????????

(If Andy Griffith read my blog, HE'D do it.)

-------------------------

[PS. Check out my new blog header for fun pics of my family!]

the dangers of adopting teens

2011-10-06T11:59:00.001-07:00

Danger #1:

1) You might fall in love with a teenager who will only grace your home with her beautiful spirit for a few short years before becoming a young adult and starting to branch out on her own.

Danger #2:

2) You'll miss her terribly when she's gone. You'll miss the chick flicks and late night chats... and you might even miss the eye rolling (if she's gone long enough).

____________________

Our 2 girls (who were unrelated 13 year olds at placement into our family) just got home from their 1st trip back to Ethiopia since we adopted them almost 7 years ago. They wanted to go back to visit relatives and to volunteer at the orphanage they lived in. (THEIR idea)

They wanted to paint the nails of the little girls and play soccer with the little boys. In their words - they wanted to "brighten their days" since they personally know how "very slow time seems to pass" when you live in an orphanage.

With their own money they bought tons of donations, toys and gifts to give away.

It was important to them to GIVE BACK.

I need emphasize that this was ALL THEIR IDEA. I want people to know this because, just like the adoption of HIV+ kids, the adoption of teenagers often gets a very undeserved bad rap.

Is it sometimes hard? Yes. Is there any adoption that is NOT sometimes hard? No.

Of our 5 adoptions ... an infant, a toddler, a grade schooler and two teenagers... I can honestly say that the teenagers have DEFINITELY NOT been the hardest.

There is no rule of thumb.

It just all comes down to the individual life experiences of the individual child. I've known people who have adopted international infants who have grown up to rebel against God and their families and basically broken their parent's hearts - and I've known people who have adopted teens who have grown up to become loving Christian adults who want to serve God and love others with their lives.

If God calls you to adopt ... answer. And don't get too wound up in the details.

When it comes to following God's lead... age, just like biology, is ultimately irrelevant.

adoption can't exist without loss

2011-10-05T07:52:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted as much lately.

(pretend you noticed)

It's been a rough... well... year and a half.

I am such a H U G E orphan advocate.

HUGE. (What with it being God's personal definition of "pure religion" and what have you.) (James 1:27)

So it just makes me ache to write about the 'down' side of adoption. But it's real. And I try to keep it real. So here I am.

Now that we're coming up on our 10th anniversary of parenting adopted children ranging in ages (at time of placement) of 8 months, 2 years, 6 years and 13 and 14 years old... one thing I've learned is that adoption can not exist without loss.

When I used to read that in my earlier rose colored years of parenting adopted kids, I honestly thought that people who said that were just hurt and speaking from a place of sadness and unmet expectations.

However now I know that they were actually speaking from a place called Experience.

No adoption - even of a wrinkly little newborn still wearing his hospital bracelet - can exist without a LOSS having taken place.

I see those losses in my children more clearly as the years pass.

I see the loss of those critical months or years when some of my children did not receive that one on one, that eye contact, that solid foundation of trust in a caregiver - that Mother's Love -which has left them more anxious than a securely attached infant would have become.

I see the chemical imbalances from infancy due to lack of brain stimulation during pivotal developmental stages.

Factor in the trauma a child of ANY age feels when taken from the only arms they've ever known and given to a stranger.

Multiply the pain...add up the losses... and you have Adoption.

A beautiful, priceless gift that leaves me utterly speechless with gratitude and brimming over with affection...

while, also, a sometimes terrible scar of brokenness, fear, pain and loss.

Adoption.

Necessary? ...Absolutely.

Rewarding? ... Immeasurably.

Easy?... Nope.

"But we press on towards the goal...to win the prize for which God has called us heavenward." - Phil. 3:14

you're not Francis Chan

2011-10-03T16:59:00.001-07:00

"Maybe you have greater faith than you think.

Maybe the resilience that it takes every day

to KEEP SHOWING UP in a place where you feel stuck and unproductive

is GREATER than the faith that it takes for someone else to walk away from it all."

hair nightmare RESOLVED!

2011-09-24T10:13:00.001-07:00

The crisis of the unmanageable mane has been solved with...

S C I S S O R S!!!

Yes, Spicy has a new do and so far it has done wonders for our relationship (at least in this area).

No more screaming, sobbing rolling on the floor fits.

Some hot glue and a couple of dollar store flowers and VOILA!!

Faux Perfection

2011-09-20T16:53:00.001-07:00

I started a little blog called Faux Perfection.

Would love to have you check it out, FOLLOW, and maybe even spread the word by grabbing my button.

As I said on the site, I put it together as a reminder to myself, my mother, and my 4 daughters that we are human...

not plastic...

or digital...

and that's okay.

Hope it serves as a little encouragement to woman kind!

link likes

2011-09-15T05:59:00.001-07:00

This link will make you chuckle.

This link will make you wanna dust off the bread machine.

This link will show you the best way to spend $11.

This link will make you feel better about your imperfections.

I need an idea!

2011-08-29T08:17:00.001-07:00

Our two beautiful daughters are going back to Ethiopia for their first visit since we adopted them 6 1/2 years ago.

They’ll be gone for 25 days and we’re all sad already and they haven’t even left yet!!

We’ve never been apart from them for so long. It’s gonna be hard!!

Can anyone suggest a cute crafty idea (or something using photos... etc, anything!!) that my little kiddos could do/make for their big sisters while they’re gone?

Something not too complicated or time consuming (Momma’s tired!) but that would make the big girls know how much they were missed when they get back ...and help keep the littles busy and focused on something positive instead of how much they miss their sisters...???

Ideas??

hmm

2011-08-25T04:47:00.001-07:00

Source: thedailydigi.com via Erin on Pinterest

one man’s trash...

2011-08-17T04:45:00.001-07:00

is another gerbil’s treasure.

thankful for fleas

2011-08-16T04:21:00.001-07:00

We have fleas.

I don’t mean ordinary fleas that everyone gets from time to time.

I mean MILITANT fleas who take over your cats, your couch, your rugs, your baseboards, your basement, your storage areas, your box spring, your sock drawer... YOUR VERY LIVES.

Kinda like the plague of locusts in Egypt, only with fleas.

I’ve always said that my 1st question upon meeting God in person will be “Mosquitos...WHY?!?” but I’ve changed my mind.

My revised question will now be “FLEAS... ?!?”

However... having our home invaded by millions of microscopic disease ridden pestilence DOES have one saving feature...

it reminds me of a passage from one of my favorite books of all time... The Hiding Place... in which Corrie writes about an evening when she and her sister Betsie were in a Nazi concentration camp and Betsie was praying:

“Thank You,” Betsie went on serenely, “for the fleas and for–”

The fleas! This was too much. “Betsie there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.”
“‘Give thanks in all circumstances,’” she quoted. “It doesn’t say, ‘in pleasant circumstances.’ Fleas are part of this place where God has put us.”
And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.”

During the weeks that followed, Corrie and Betsie starting having nightly worship services with the other women in their barracks. Amazingly, these secret gatherings were never discovered by the guards. The sisters were shocked that no one had come to inspect their barracks in so long... until one day Betsie figure it out. That afternoon there had been confusion among the workers in the camp and the supervising guard was told to go settle it...

“But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?
Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: “Because of the fleas! That’s what she said, ‘That place is crawling with fleas!’”
My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie’s bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for.”
[The Hiding Place, pp. 197-199, 209]

And so... I will choose to give thanks in ALL circumstances... because fleas are part of this place where God has put me.

*gulp*

introducing...

2011-08-15T04:21:00.001-07:00

Willow

and Poet.

Our two blue eyed, fluffy haired, ragdoll kittens.

To say I am smitten would be an EPIC understatement.

okay, I admit it

2011-08-12T13:20:00.001-07:00

As a homeschooling mom of 6 years, I used to secretly think that mothers who sent their kids to school and didn’t HOMESCHOOL

*gasp*

had it easy.

What I didn’t know was just how fun (*cough*) it is to drag your sleepy kids out of bed at the break of dawn, try to pour some food down their throats, comb their hair, get them dressed (according to school guidelines), brush their teeth… while the whole time they’re whining “Mommy! I wanna go back to bed!!”

And then the real fun… gathering the SUPPLIES (folders, books, snacks, lunches, drinks, papers, pencils, glue, scissors, rulers, book bags, etc etc and etc).

Sign stuff saying you practiced such and such with so and so… homework… parent teacher meetings, concerts, games, get togethers… then the driving back and forth… and back and forth… and back and forth…

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Not to mention when you thought you had miraculously budgeted for the oh-so-daunting cost of private schooling

*gulp*

only to have forgotten about the book fees, the registration fees, the application fees, the art supply fees, the breathing fees….

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sending your kids to school is SO not easy.

Non-homeschooling moms… may the force be with you.

perspective on change

2011-08-03T05:22:00.001-07:00

(quote by Richard Bach)

parenthood

2011-08-01T18:37:00.001-07:00

I heard about this show but never saw it until I happened upon the website recently

and fell for it.

Sure, I don’t agree with all the lifestyle choices portrayed, of course, but I think it’s amazingly well acted – so true to life – and there are so many interesting characters that just about anyone could relate to…. married couples at all stages of life and parenting. There are 30-somethings, inter-racial relationships, teenagers, a child with autism, a single parent, a baby on the way, a retired couple and even an adoption in the works!

And best of all every episode ends with a great “family first” kind of feeling that just warms my heart.

Something about this show just makes me feel understood.

It’s a good thing.

(You can watch all the episodes of the 2nd season for free here.)

washed by the water

2011-07-29T12:57:00.001-07:00

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. – Is. 43:2

Washed by the Water – click here for full version (my favorite one).

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Even when the earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me
I won't ever ever let you down
Won't fall as long as You’re around me.

this is, like, a major pet peeve of mine!

2011-07-05T16:04:00.001-07:00

help with hair!!

2011-06-17T18:06:00.001-07:00

I have 3 daughters from Ethiopia...with 3 different types of curls...

but Spicy’s is SO MASSIVELY THICK and kinky curly that it actually REPELS WATER.

I could stand there pouring the hand held shower over her hair for 1/2 an hour and it would BARELY be wet.

I’ve never seen anything like it.

Masses and masses of THICK, KINKY hair that tangles if you LOOK at it.

We use Pantene’s Relaxed and Natural shampoo & conditioner (“for women of color”)

and she cries and sobs if we barely touch it, let alone comb it. (wet or dry)

It is a MAJOR source of stress in our lives.

Can anyone suggest the MOTHER OF ALL DETANGLING CONDITIONERS???

I need something muuuuuuuuuuuch stronger than a typical Caucasian or even biracial person would use.

Like I said, even my other 2 African girl’s hair is not NEARLY as hard to manage as this.

We need the HEAVY ARTILLERY here!!!

HELP!!!?!?!?!?!?

the dad life

2011-06-14T07:50:00.001-07:00

This goes out to my husband, the most awesome man and father to our crew!

a helpful reminder

2011-06-08T06:14:00.001-07:00

“Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted wise: and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of understanding." - Proverbs 17:28

"It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open ones mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” - Romans 12:18

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” - Dorothy Nevill

“Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.” - Orson Rega Card

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” - Grandma

day dreaming about...

2011-06-03T07:23:00.001-07:00

People used to tell me that my Rummy might have had some Ragdoll in him somewhere (he was a domestic short hair) because of the way he relaxed when held and was so affectionate. So... I always thought I might buy a Ragdoll when Rummy passed away.

photo credit

Can you fathom such beauty!?!

Do any of you have experience with Ragdolls? I’d love to know your thoughts. My requirements are simple: I want the most loving cat I can possibly find.

you guys know stuff. can YOU suggest...

2011-06-01T16:59:00.001-07:00

an INSANELY EASY supper meal that could feed approx. 8 (mostly kids) and is not grossly unhealthy?
a great paint for walls that is KID TOUGH - (meaning I can scrub marker, crayons, mud, grease etc off it) but not too glossy? I prefer a matte look.
your favorite anti-depressant?
a movie that the WHOLE FAMILY could watch in which none of the characters have a “girlfriend/boyfriend” element? (even cartoons seem to have that (Rio, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and pretty much every Disney Princess movie)
an unscented, HE laundry detergent that actually removes dirt and odors?
a cure for psoriasis and/or rosacea? (or at least something that’s helped you?)
whether or not our cats would likely shred it if we invested in a leather couch?

...Just some things I’m thinking about.

I ponder

2011-05-25T16:01:00.001-07:00

Some of my favorite bloggers are women who lay it all on the table.
They are so vulnerable and honest that it amazes me and, most importantly, really makes me feel like I’m not alone.
Courtney shares openly about her depression and self consciousness, Corey and Christine speak freely about the struggles to feel loving towards attachment challenged kids, Tova doesn’t try to cover up her battles with panic and anxiety, Holly admits how hard it is to find balance and Jamie, well Jamie just calls herself ‘The Very Worst Missionary’ so that pretty much says it all.
I want to be like these women. I want to be gutsy and bare naked honest... but I find it to be a constant challenge.
I type something, then delete it... .afraid of what others will think.
I want to be out there - LIVING OUT LOUD. An advocate for adoption, especially for special needs and older kids... but then I find myself feeling E-X-P-O-S-E-D and I run for cover.
Put myself out there... pull back... put myself out there... pull back.
Extend -- Withdraw -- Rinse -- Repeat.

This week I’ve been feeling especially exposed and so I decided the solution was to set my blog to private.
But then I feel guilty (seeing as guilt is my middle name) because I already established that the biggest REASON I blog in the first place is to be a voice for orphans.
To “speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves” (Proverbs 31:8) and “defend the cause of the weak and orphaned” (Ps. 82:3 & Is. 1:17)
How can I really do that from a private blog?
So... I ponder.

it really IS creepy when ya think about it!

2011-05-20T15:29:00.001-07:00

Gotta love me some Tim.

look up elegance in the dictionary...

2011-05-19T07:06:00.001-07:00

and you WON’T find us.

What do my kids do when given sugar and free time?

Grocery Bag Couture.

Don’t ask me where she got these expressions and poses. She CAME doing them.. at 6 years old.. from Ethiopia!

But you gotta’ admit...

she WORKS a grocery bag like nothin’ you’ve ever seen!

need a button?

2011-05-16T08:08:00.001-07:00

Just a reminder that I make buttons...

FREE buttons...

for Christian ministries pertaining to orphans
families raising funds for adoption
and occasionally various other stuff (on a case by case basis) (if you bribe me w/ chocolate milk)

You can see a sampling of some of my buttons (and read details) over here on my button page.

Please add my ‘free button’ button to your blogs to help me get the word out.

I’d like to be of service!

which do you like best?

2011-05-13T12:13:00.001-07:00

One of my girls bought me pink roses on Mother’s Day so I took a few pics.

1,2,3,4 or 5... which do you like best?

you might be a MACK if...

2011-05-11T07:36:00.001-07:00

You might be a Mom of Attachment Challenged Kids if...

on Mother’s Day your child repeatedly begs to go live with someone else.

anyone else.
another kid at school.
someone she just met at a wedding the day before.
the FedEx guy.

you lovingly retell the story of her adoption homecoming, complete with how long you looked forward to the child’s arrival and how excited you were to finally meet her...

to which she replies,
“I want to go to Ethiopia and never come back.
ever.”

Ahhh, the heart warming Hallmark moments of parenting an attachment challenged child.
But, my dear fellow MACKs, we might as well laugh as cry. Laughing burns more calories. So here are some tidbits of attachment humor I read that hopefully cause a giggle.

“An 8-year-old is being punished and sits in the corner of the dining area at a table set especially for her. The rest of the family is ignoring her, until they hear her giving thanks.
She says, "I thank thee, Lord, for preparing a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.”
..........

Did you hear about the RAD Mom that confused her valium with her birth control pills?
She had 14 more kids, but she didn't really care.
..........
"Never raise your hands to your kids.
It leaves your groin unprotected."
..........
One RAD Parent to Another:
"Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject."
..........
Mother Talking to her Young Son:
"Is it time for your medication... or mine?"

Remember... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! As Christine says, “it takes a village to raise a special needs child”... so lean on each other!!

be sure to wear your happy slip!

2011-05-09T13:47:00.001-07:00

I recently happened upon Christine’s videos and first I was drawn in because she’s Filipino (and so is my best friend April), but she held my attention by being so darn CUTE and funny! She’s a mom of two and every video I’ve seen so far has been good clean fun. Here are a couple of my favorites for your viewing pleasure.

surviving Mother’s Day

2011-05-07T10:02:00.001-07:00

I just want to send out a big HUGE cyber hug to all my fellow adoptive moms of attachment challenged kids.
I was just reading this article on Attachment.org and wanted to share a few snippets with you:

“The month of May brings warm sunny days, flowers, and Mother's Day. Under normal circumstances these would all be wonderful things. Normal, as you know, is not in the vocabulary of many adoptive families. This is especially true for a family who has a Reactive Attachment Disordered (RAD) child who is in the process of healing. I have yet to have a RAD mom tell me she had a terrific Mother's Day, one she will always remember.
Until you have actually lived with one of these children, you cannot possibly imagine how radically a Mom's life changes. The sole focus of a Mom's life becomes the goal of healing the child. These Moms need a lot of help. They need support and reminders of how awesome they really are in order to carry out their new role in life.
There is no such thing as a great Mother's Day for a Mom who lives with a RAD child in the process of healing. These children are simply not capable of reciprocal behavior. They do not know how to show love and appreciation. They after all are still just trying to survive. They only know how to drain a Mom beyond belief. They are strictly takers. They do not give back. There in lies the toughest part of the job for a Mom because she does not get back on a regular basis for all her hard work and commitment. The rewards come very slowly over months and years.
As a parent of RAD children, I know I need a lot of encouragement, shared perspective, and support to keep a healthy parenting attitude towards my children. I urge all of you who are around one of these Mom's to take extra care in letting her know what a great Mom she is and that the commitment that she is making to heal the damaged soul of a child is a great gift unto all of us. This can help minimize the losses she feels.”

So my thoughts? First of all, know that you are NOT ALONE in feeling guilty/ sad/ rejected/ resentful. You’re human. Keep your expectations very low and keep reminding yourself that you are laying bricks in the foundation of your relationship... day by day... and the Mother’s Day will come (granted, you might be in a nursing home, but still!) when your child will feel the strength of your bond and be able to genuinely love you back. Know that you are making a difference for all of eternity and don’t ...give... up!!

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” - Phil. 3:14

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

and the winner is...

2011-05-06T05:22:00.001-07:00

We did the drawing first thing this morning while Boo was still sleepy-eyed in pjs...

Congrats, Jennifer!! Please send me your address (GivenMuchMom@gmail.com)

and we’ll send you One Thousand Gifts!

(the book... not actually one thousand gifts.)

can’t stop thinking about this face

2011-05-05T05:06:00.001-07:00

This little girl has grabbed my heart.

We looked into it, but for various reasons we can’t adopt her...

but someone out there is missing a precious angel

with sparkling blue eyes,

satin pink lips,

and the sweetest button nose.

Someone out there knows in her heart

that she is this little girl’s Momma.

Is it you?

If you’d like to know more about Down Syndrome adoption, check out these videos

or visit Adeye and Elisabeth’s blogs.

(and tomorrow is the drawing for my very 1st Giveaway! Sign up quick!)

puddle perspective

2011-05-04T05:19:00.001-07:00

On this cold and rainy day

I could see only the dreary gravel driveway - littered with puddles and potholes,

grey, damp and dismal...

or I could choose to look harder... and see glimmers of sun and reflections of the sky.

Perspective is a powerful thing.

I hope you spot beauty in the mud puddles of motherhood today.

[Giveaway ends Friday!]

Back the Blocks!

2011-05-03T10:25:00.001-07:00

I’ve posted before about my sweet friend Amy Block. Well Lorraine over at All Are Precious In His Sight has started a campaign to help the Blocks raise the last bit of money they need in order to move to Guatemala.

This big devoted family has sold their house in order to make this move to serve orphans, yet they don’t have quite enough funding to leave yet, so they are moving into a trailer and continuing to diligently fundraise.

They need 146 more families at $25 month (or any amount you can donate). Your tax-deductible pledge will be a grand investment in the lives of a few hundred orphans on a daily basis in Solana, Guatemala.

Please click here to read more and prayerfully consider taking part in BACK the BLOCKS!! And don’t forget to leave a comment on Lorraine’s blog so she can keep track!! Click here to do that!

Also please share this button I made to help get the word out!

[And yes, I’m gonna say it again, don’t forget my GIVEAWAY ends Friday!]

1 boy 4 girls

2011-05-02T09:16:00.001-07:00

In our sparkly little sea of girls and glitter...

there is one boy.

One grubby little mud caked, dirt lovin’, puddle hoppin’ sloppy haired, smelly footed BOY.

I think God knew he would be raised surrounded by ballet and Barbies, tea parties and tiaras,

so he gave this little guy an extra dash of BOY-ness.

And (for the most part) we think that’s pretty cool.

[Don’t forget my 1st GIVEAWAY EVER ends this Friday!!]

racial harmony - mattel edition

2011-04-30T07:18:00.001-07:00

Don’t forget my 1st EVER GIVEAWAY ends in 6 days!!!

my 1st GIVEAWAY!!

2011-04-29T07:25:00.001-07:00

I have issues. Rebellion issues.

If I sense that something is becoming ‘trendy’ and “everybody’s doin’ it”, I immediately lose interest.

(exhibit A: the royal wedding? ...could care less.)

Such was the case with this book - One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

However, most importantly, I assumed that this was just another book about looking for the silver lining - developing an ‘attitude of gratitude’ and all that jazz that comes so naturally for shiny happy people.

WRONG.

What I didn’t know was 2 very important angles that set this book apart:

Ann writes with a poignancy and descriptive magic unlike any other, which makes the words soak into your spirit and become a permanent part of you.
She writes from a past of pain, loss and deep depression - not a plastic, Brady Bunch existence.

Developing a spirit of thankfulness did not come easy for her (just like it isn’t for me). She WORKED at it and she found secrets to unlocking joy, contentment and gratitude even in the pain of life.

I am only half way through the book, but already find it LIFE CHANGING.

So... I’m doing my first ever GIVEAWAY!

By doing 1, 2, 3 or 4 of these things (below) we will put your name in the hat 1, 2 , 3 or 4 times. I will send the winner a brand new copy of One Thousand Gifts! (Remember - you can do JUST 1 or ALL 4 if you wish! More things done = more chances to win, that’s all!) :)

1 chance each for:

Donating ANY AMOUNT (even $1.00) to Sarah’s Covenant Homes
Following my blog
Adding my badge to your blog
Writing a blog post about Given Much or Positively Adopted

Just leave me a comment telling me how many points (up to 4) you earned. (and a link to your blog if you add my badge or post about us)

We’ll draw a name in 1 week - next Friday, May 6th!

telling the school about HIV

2011-04-28T07:20:00.001-07:00

Up until now we have been a homeschooling family, but Spicy is now attending kindergarten at a local Christian school.
Her therapist (as well as a couple of friends who are experienced w/ attachment challenged kids) strongly recommended it for the benefit of Spicy and everyone else. So far it’s going amazingly well and blessing us all.
However we were faced with the whole “whether or not to tell the school” issue.

We talked with our pediatrician and HIV specialist and BOTH emphatically reminded us that there was “NO NEED” to tell the school...
but since we are a very OPEN family and talk publically about her status, we felt that they might hear about it elsewhere and then think that we weren’t forthright... so we decided to share it with them directly.
Their response was pure perfection.
The principal looked me in the eye and said,
“Ultimately, what kind of Christians would we be if we turned our backs on her?”
I don’t know her, but I hugged her.
That’s exactly what it should be about for ALL believers.
The fears, the ‘what if’s’, the hows and whys.... those things should all be boiled away, leaving only this one pressing question:
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
Everything else is irrelevant fluff that does nothing but distract us from fulfilling our God ordained purpose...
to love each other as Christ loves us.

from us to you

2011-04-24T12:56:00.001-07:00

bloody shirts, bagel twists and rose colored glasses

2011-04-21T16:53:00.001-07:00

So I told you I’m trying to think more positively.

Find the good in everything... look for the silver lining and all that crap.

Well today we drove 3 hours away for Spicy’s quarterly “Oh yeah, you have HIV!!” visit with the specialist.

(It’s about the only time we remember she has it anymore)

An hour into the trip I get the world’s worst bloody nose.

I mean blood was going everywhere as I was flailing around trying to find tissues.

By the time it was done my shirt was COVERED with blood splatters. C O V E R E D.

Plus I’ve got blood on both hands, both forearms, and running down my neck.

(don’t hate me because I’m beautiful)

So we pull into the super market and buy some peroxide (because, unless you’re ME, the stuff works miracles on removing freshly stained blood). I then take the peroxide into the ladies room and stand at the sink trying to spot clean literally over a dozen spots on my shirt.

Two ladies come in and start gawking at me and it occurs to me that they probably think I just whacked someone and stashed the body in my trunk.

SO I casually yet quickly grab my jacket, yank it together so my shirt doesn’t show, and go back to the van.

We hit the road (cause time is getting away from us) and I decide to try spotting the stains while we drive.

However all I have in the car is cheap tissues which, rather than remove the blood stains, are only shredding into the weave of the knit - so now we have blood spots AND sticky lint patches.

Oh and in the middle of the mayhem my Dunkin Donuts bagel twist falls frosting side down on the floor and my husband’s soda spills all over my cell phone.

*donning rose colored glasses*

Thankfully we were only 5 minutes late to the doctor AND Spicy’s HIV is still rockin’ the undetectable, so we can once again get back to forgetting she has it.

God is good.

on my way to where the cake is sweet

2011-04-20T05:17:00.001-07:00

I don’t think I will ever outgrow my love for all things Sesame,

so my Mom & my kids threw me a Sesame Street themed birthday party.

My daughter, E, made me a beautiful white roses cake with big funky candles.

My 6 year old son bought me this card (which he picked out all by himself).

One of my littler girls made me this sweet card.

And my mom felt that the Elmo centerpiece would not be complete with a real, live DOROTHY.

So now we are a family of 5 kids, 4 cats, 3 gerbils, 2 parents, and 1 beta fish.

Me love chaos.

do they make optimism vitamins?

2011-04-19T05:40:00.001-07:00

My kids have certain concepts that require frequent reminders.

So do I.

One of my favorite vloggers of all time is Jenny.

[Lots of people in the vlogg-o-sphere think they’re funny. She actually IS.]

While enjoying one of her recently light hearted, cheerful, polka-dotted videos, I heard her claim that she used to be a bit of a pessimist (very hard to believe, but okay).

In fact, she says that she used to be a “Whiney Whinerson” and that she is actually NOT a positive person, but makes an effort to focus on the positive.

AND... here’s the thing...she says it WORKED! She FOOLED herself and has actually become a more positive person!

I wanna do that. (I also want her Pantene hair and Colgate smile... but let’s be realistic.)

Plus, I’m increasingly convicted that GOD wants me to do that (evidenced by my snazzy new blog background... hint, hint Google Readers.)

SO... I’m going to try more often to highlight what is good and lovely and praiseworthy in my life.

No, I’m not going to STOP advocating for the needy and orphaned, because I firmly believe that all Christians have a responsibility to “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves." (Proverbs 31:8)

and God is clear throughout scripture that if we shut our ears to the cries of the poor, we too will cry out and not be answered. (Prov. 21:13)

However...He also tells me to think about good and beautiful things. (Phil. 4:8)

Balance.

(Someday maybe I’ll achieve it... if only for one brief shining moment.)

............................

Can you guys share something POSITIVE? It can be anything that crosses your mind - from a good hair day to a miraculous healing... Spread the joy!

Make Your Own Resurrection Eggs ... We did!

2011-04-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

(This is a re-post from last Easter.)

I finally did it. I’ve been wanting to … planning to… for about 6 Easters now but I FINALLY DID IT! I made my own Easter Story Eggs and here’s how I put my own little spin on it. Personally I didn’t want to use the egg carton method (though certainly nothing is wrong with that). I wanted to build up anticipation in my kids with a table centerpiece, and decided I wanted it to look kindof like a bird’s nest – representing NEW LIFE (and tying in all the ‘eggs’ they see everywhere this time of year).

Problem is, I couldn’t find any plastic eggs that looked like REAL EGGS and I didn’t want a nest of pink, blue and green eggs on my dining table… so …

A little spray paint ‘for plastic surfaces’ and I was on my way. (This paint is a speckled white which looks better and more ‘egg like’ in person. Also these eggs are “Extra Large” that I found at Jo-Ann Fabric. Great size for this craft, but not required)

Next I bought a cheap little grapevine wreath at Stuff-Mart and some paper grass (my cats would roll in any nicer looking (or smelling) ;) mossy grass or otherwise I would have gone that route), wrote the NUMBERS on the eggs with permanent marker, filled them, and then positioned them so that the numbers didn’t show. Like so. :-)

As for their contents… that was the really fun (and what turned out to be profoundly meaningful) part.

1. “Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” --John 12:3

2. “The next day the great crowd that had come for the Feast heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting, "Hosanna!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Blessed is the King of Israel!" --John 12:12-13

3. “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." –Luke 22:19

4. “He fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will." – Matthew 26:39

5. “Then one of the Twelve--the one called Judas Iscariot--went to the chief priests and asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins.” –Matthew 26:14-15

6.. “The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head.” – John 19:2

7. “They clothed him in a purple robe and went up to him again and again, saying, "Hail, king of the Jews!" And they struck him in the face.” – John 19:2-3

8. “Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). –John 19:18

9. Here they nailed him to the cross (crucified him).” – John 19:18

10. “Taking Jesus' body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs.”

11. “Early on Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance.” – John 20:1

12. “The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.” – Matthew 28:6

tiny perfume bottle
pieces of plastic plant
bread
clipart of praying hands
dimes
thorn clippings from yard
piece of purple ribbon
cross jewelry
3 nails
cloves
rock
empty!

I printed out these 12 verses, cut out the slips of paper and put them in each corresponding egg.

After our lunch together we turned off the lights, leaving just the candles, and then went around the table, each person opening 1 egg, reading the verse out loud, and then passing its contents around the table for all to touch and see.

Each element seemed so much more powerful given those moments to be handed around and felt… the thorns touched, the spices smelled, the nails felt.

I know it’s supposed to be a “children’s” event, but I found it very meaningful and powerful. I highly recommend it to all families looking for another way to add depth to Easter Sunday.

umm...can we pretend you didn’t read that?

2011-04-15T15:33:00.001-07:00

If you happened to read my previous blog post entitled “pain and pompoms” before I deleted it...

can we pretend you didn’t?

Somehow I’ve gotta’ learn to step away from the laptop when I’m feeling especially melancholy.

See, I feel things very deeply. When I’m happy I’m OVER THE MOON and when I’m sad... well... you saw how that looks... and it ain’t pretty.

I often feel that my ‘intensity of emotion’ is kindof a curse, but my husband is a very easy going, laid back, ‘whatever will be will be’ kinda guy and HE says that it’s people like me who make the world go round.

(He’s sweet like that.)

He says that if my heart hadn’t broken WIDE open [and spilled out all over the floor] about the orphan crisis, than we wouldn’t have our 5 beautiful children ... and they wouldn’t have us.

He says that, given his personality, he probably would have looked at 150 million orphans and said “That’s a sad, sad shame.” and moved on (like 94% of the world’s Christians).

But he had me - his crazy wife - spurring him on and lighting a fire under his compassion... moving him to ACT.

So, yes, I get dramatic, I get passionate, I get intense... but I began praying many years ago that God would break my heart with what breaks His... and has He ever.

(Be careful what you pray for, huh.)

Little children should not die without families.

I will rant and rage about this until my dying day... without apology.

I am, however, kinda sorry about the rest of my previously blithering nonsense.

pain and pom poms

2011-04-15T06:17:00.001-07:00

I haven’t been blogging as much lately because
I am a REALIST.
(okay, so some people call it “pessimism”, but I say I’m just being realistic)
I *WANT* to be an optimist, mind you. I swear I do!
I envision how lovely it must be to see the world through rose colored glasses - throwing a party over every little dandelion and dew drop.
Many a night I go to bed determined that the next morning I will be one of those shiny happy people holding hands.
But every day the WORLD and its painful, sad, harsh, cruel realities
SQUASH any tiny improvements I may have made
and here I am again.
parked in the pits of REALITY.
I *WANT* to be one of those people that can write an entire blog post about the joyful wondrousness of pom pom fringe...
but my mind starts drifting to “3 dollars a yard. What could 3 dollars a yard do for eternity? 3 dollars a yard spent, instead, on helping an adoptive family bring home a starving orphaned street kid - now THAT I could write an entire blog post about!”
See? I’m a downer.
It’s not that I don’t LIKE pom pom fringe.
It so happens that I rather enjoy its quaint little dingly-dangly essence.
But my mind and heart just seem utterly unable to stay focused on the dingly aspects of life for more than a few minutes ... and before you know it I’m consumed by the deep, sad, painful losses that encircle our existence like an impenetrable force field of inexplicable suffering.

Yeah, I’m still waiting to hear back from Hall-mark about that card writing job.

So when you read a post from me about a cookie recipe and the next day about starving children
it’s not that I’m bi-polar (and I had a dear relative who WAS, so I’m not slamming the condition)
it’s that I’m a ~~pessimist~~ realist, TRYING to be more optimistic
in a world where every 90 seconds an orphan dies from malnutrition... having never known the love of a family or heard the story of Jesus.
Just seems like no amount of pom pom fringe can fix that.
And my heart aches.

I’m not usually big on Funny Baby videos...

2011-04-05T05:50:00.001-07:00

but for this one I just have to make an exception.

(especially around 0:47)

If this makes you laugh, let me know!

2 things that made me laugh

2011-03-30T10:41:00.001-07:00

This...

and this.

better than

2011-03-25T12:10:00.001-07:00

So many blogs make me feel less than.
Less than enough.
Less than I should be.
Less than.
Blogs are a dangerous format because it’s so easy to paint an idealistic view of our lives, possibly unaware of the fact that we’re making others feel very very small.
It’s rare to read a blog full of hairballs, screaming kids, therapy appointments, anxiety, mildew, late fees, resentment, nightmares, insecurity, lying, exhaustion, debt or sadness.
Sure, many have token mentions of muddy boots, mismatched socks, or burps at the table... but I’m talking about the REAL tough stuff of life.
The dark moments, the fears you can’t shake, the uncertainty, self doubt and weakness of faith.
Some people feel that it’s better to focus only on the “positive”... but, for many moms,
just getting through a day without dissolving into a puddle *IS* a positive.
And it is to those moms that I wish to say:
You are not alone.
You are not the only mom who goes to sleep feeling guilty more often than not.
Feeling like you should have DONE more,
read more,
played more,
sung more,
memorized a verse,
baked a cupcake,
made a memory,
but you were too busy breaking up fights, wading through half truths, calming hissy fits and easing fears
to have the mental energy to frost a cookie, sing a hymn, or glue a popsicle stick.
You made it through the day by the skin of your teeth and all you have left is a
weak prayer, a tear streaming down your cheek, and a migraine.
...And sometimes that’s even BETTER than a hallelujah.

God loves a lullaby
In a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
God loves the drunkard's cry
The soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out.
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

Update: My friend Anita posted a very “real” (and hysterical!) response to this. Check it out here!

give cookies a chance

2011-03-23T12:42:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I’m a bit of a self proclaimed chocolate chip cookie aficionado,

(I love that word... aficionado... but totally had to google the spelling)

and I personally believe that a plate of THESE served with a smile (and a glass of cold milk)

could potentially bring about world peace.

______________

Best buttery, crispy, yumrrific cookie EVER.

(photo credit: Victor Schrager)

meet my friend Amy

2011-03-22T08:27:00.001-07:00

Block Missions Video

I met Amy Block over 11 years ago as we were both waiting for our adopted children to come home.

Since that time we have shared many joys and tribulations along the way and Amy has been a sweet friend. She has been a support in times of questioning, a cheerleader in moments of weakness, and an inspiration to me in countless ways.

Her family has recently felt the Lord calling them to the mission field. Please watch this short video, meet Amy and her gorgeous family, and consider partnering with them as they partner with the Lord caring for the least of these.

Tax deductible giving can be made at:

Commission To Every Nation
Todd and Amy Block
P.O. Box 291307
Kerrville, TX 78029-1307

Online giving at : https://www.denarionline.com/DonorServices/TEMPLATEPAGE.ASPX?COMP_REF=_CTEN&CONTENT=MISSIONARY&MISSION_REF=2A5F80D300
Follow their story at http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/

how much wood...

2011-03-21T10:23:00.003-07:00

would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

This picture is from last spring.

We’re about to have another blasted snow storm

so no self respecting wood chuck has shown his face around these parts just yet...

but my spirit is aching for S P R I N G... so for now this picture will have to suffice.

The Board of Doom

2011-03-17T16:41:00.001-07:00

Meet ...The Board of Doom.
This is a big part of how we handle nasty behavior around our house.

On the board are primarily PRIVILEGES (TV, video games, Kinect, and gumballs) and one Mercy Flower for each child. As long as you are good, your privileges stay on the HAPPY side... but, for every act of nastiness, a privilege slides over to the SAD side and you lose it for the day. (The only variance is 10 minutes early to bed is also on there.) For the 1st thing each child does wrong each day they lose their Mercy Flower but nothing else. Every offense after that loses a privilege.
We change it up depending on the season - for example in the warmer months their bikes are on there, sometimes favorite toys, etc.

I like this because throughout the day I notice the kids going and checking their status. Kids have such short term memory and all together different mental perception abilities than we do and being able to SEE that they lost their video game for later that day, but still have their gumball or TV to look forward to, is a great motivator for keeping them on the straight and narrow.
I made this little set up very simply - just a dry erase board, some laminated clip-art and some magnets from the craft store hot glued to the back. I also hot glued the little light weight wooden cup/vase-things (from the craft store) to the board for the flowers (which are silk and also from the craft store).
Works fairly well for us - although the Mercy Flower concept is blatantly abused by the younger two... however I ~~grit my teeth and~~ explain that that Jesus is gracious, and forgives us even when we don’t deserve it, so we’re giving them 1 more chance before we ~~open up a can of~~ are forced to revoke privileges.

Also there’s an added bonus of a once a week REWARD for anyone who hasn’t lost ANY of the board privileges at least 5 days of the past week. (not including the Flower, since that is almost ALWAYS lost by the littlest 2) The reward is usually some dollar trinket from Target or something.
Would love to hear how YOU guys handle discipline at your houses. Leave me a link if you post about it!

layers of loss

2011-03-12T07:21:00.001-08:00

My friend Courtney just shared a powerful post by another blogger, Integrity Singer, and it resonated so strongly with me. It’s a look at the layers of loss that occur when you are parenting trauma.
On some level I empathized with almost all of the layers, but these 3 in particular at the moment:

Layer 4: the loss of the love from a child
Layer 5: the loss of the roll you intended to play as a mother
Layer 9: the loss of dreams

If you are parenting an attachment challenged child than please do read this post and feel understood.

umm... yeah

2011-03-09T06:43:00.001-08:00

Apparently “HE” means something after all.

taking togetherness to a whole NEW level

2011-03-07T06:55:00.001-08:00

I can’t get over how biology just keeps on proving itself to be irrelevant.
2 different continents, 2 different ethnicities, yet our virtual twins do everything together...
including losing their top front teeth on the SAME DAY...

and, a week later, their OTHER top front teeth a DAY APART!

Le-me-tell-ya, the tooth fairy is exhausted.

feeling alone? read this...

2011-03-04T08:25:00.001-08:00

My faithful friend Lisa H. recommended the book Wounded Children Healing Homes.
I’m only 1 chapter into it and I already want to buy a copy for every adoptive parent I know.
Here are some excerpts from the first chapter:

“What I felt totally surprised me. It was something I couldn’t tell anyone, I felt so guilty about it. There were days I dreaded getting up in the morning. I felt absolutely no connection to this child we brought home from Russia. I felt anger and remorse over bringing her into the family. I beat myself up daily and told no one.”
“This experience is similar to a number of adoptive parents who have been broadsided by how they feel about their child. They wonder what is wrong with them.”
“The process of living with another person and being responsible for nurturing a wounded child can be both draining and rewarding, depending on the day, the situation, or the parent’s or child’s state of mind. Give yourself permission to feel ambivalent.”

“The question is not “If parents experience shattered assumptions, what will they do?” but rather “When parents experience shattered assumptions, what will they do?”

Christian Mom turned Hooker

2011-03-03T04:59:00.001-08:00

Hi. I’m Chantelle... and I crochet.

Its been less than an hour since my last granny square.

It’s not really about the ‘finished product’ for me... [cause I’m not really all that into the LOOK of crocheted items]... but I am totally addicted to the MOTION of crocheting. It’s cheap, easy, relaxing, fun... and it’s not even fattening!

I’m posting these pictures partly for Anita. She is a fellow hooker and wanted to see my work.

Be aware that I am JUST A BEGINNER though! Don’t hold that DORKY lookin’ teddy bear against me!!

I only started crocheting a few months ago, but I LOVE IT. It’s actually one of the few things on earth that relaxes me.

I learned how to crochet from Teresa and her completely awesome FREE tutorial videos!!

Some of these patterns are from her Youtube page and website. The others are from:

flowers: 100 Flowers to Knit and Crochet
granny bunting: Crochet with Raymond
granny star: A Happy One

And here are some ‘out takes’ from my efforts to photograph my work...

Crochet = Yum.

Missionary Day (aka St. Patricks)

2011-03-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

At our house we celebrate St. Patrick's Day bigger than some... only my 8 year old daughter (from India) insists on calling it "Missionary Day". :) The reason is because on that day we have a special dinner in honor of foreign missionaries who, like Saint Patrick, make sacrifices in order to 'go into all the world' and preach the gospel.

The kids bring out the pictures they have of their individual missionaries (we support a different missionary for each child in the family so that they can feel connected to "their missionary" in a unique way and be responsible for praying for "their missionary" etc.), we read Patrick's life story at the table before we eat, and then we go around the table saying a prayer for each of the missionaries. We also either write letters of encouragement or collect special donations or needs for 'our' missionaries.

See, Patrick was born around 385 A.D. somewhere in England. His father was a Roman soldier and a deacon in the village church. His mother came from a local Christian family. He was raised in a wealthy family and took little interest in religion while he was growing up. When Patrick was 16, raiders attacked his village. Patrick was captured and taken to Ireland where he was sold as a slave. While a slave, Patrick turned back to the faith he had largely ignored as a child and this helped him to deal with the blow fate had dealt him. After 6 years of slavery he escaped, making his way first to England and then to France ...where he studied and became a priest. He then returned to Ireland (where he had been kept in slavery!) with the dual mission of ministering to the small Christian community in Ireland and hopefully converting the rest of the island to Christianity.

The Church leaders first choose St. Palladius for the job, but, after spending a couple of years struggling unsuccessfully against the entrenched Druids, St. Palladius, first bishop of Ireland, was forced to flee the island. St. Patrick was then sent to the island as its second bishop with the mission of converting Ireland to Christianity. With the knowledge of the language and people gained from his years as a slave, Patrick succeeded where Palladius had failed. (Isn't that just like God to have a bigger plan all along? And to use what we consider "needless pain and suffering" in our lives for a greater good? Much like Joseph in the Bible... what they intended for evil GOD used for good!) St. Patrick devoted the rest of his life to cultivating Christianity in Ireland. Patrick knew the Irish language and preached to them in that language. He also knew the culture and traditions of the people and he used this knowledge to preach and teach in terms of the images they knew and loved. One of his more famous uses of traditional Irish imagery in his preaching was the shamrock - a clover with three leaves that grows abundantly in Ireland. Patrick used this plant – a single stem with three leaves – to explain the concept of the Holy Trinity which is One God in three divine persons. Using this plant he enabled his flock to visualize and understand this difficult theological concept. By the time of his death, he had succeeded in banishing the Druid cults and converting most of the population to Christianity. This is his greatest legacy.

So, for us, this is just another "excuse" (if you will) to be reminded of the Great Commission and to further instill in our family the importance of missionaries. I consider many of us who live our lives in 'full time ministry' or outreach as "missionaries"... but on this day we give our attention to those who give up the 'comforts of home' to spread the gospel and show Christ's love to the forgotten and unreached all the world over. My sweet friend April (American but now working as a missionary in the jungles of PNG) greatly misses the ease of our lives here. She longs for just the chance to stroll through Wal-mart and pick up things for her kids or to grab a cheeseburger at McDonalds. In my mind, foreign missionaries make the ultimate sacrifice and deserve a day of focus and prayer! :)

I hope you all have creative and inspiring ways of celebrating Missionary Day. :) Please share any ideas! (and, if you're short on missionaries to support or pray for, please consider the ones we'll be focusing on this year... Jeremiah & April Markley in Papua New Guinea, GFA's native missionaries in Asia, or Sarah's Covenant Homes in India.

today is my birthday

2011-02-28T06:56:00.001-08:00

Wanna do me a little favor?

Make my day?

Check out my birthday post and pass it on.

(This pic has nothing to do with my birthday, but how CUTE is HE?)

it’s my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-25T05:34:00.001-08:00

I know, I should say that Christmas or Easter or Martin Luther King Day is my favorite holiday.... but it’s not.

My favorite day of the year is the one that’s ALL ABOUT ME.

(only child syndrome)

I admit it. I love how the day starts and ends with “Well, since it’s your birthday...” followed by everyone letting me do whatever I want.

(please pass the Self-less Mom of the Year award)

And so, being my 37th birthday, I toyed with the idea of requesting that all my readers bless my ever-so-rapidly-aging self with the gift of leaving a comment or **be still my heart** becoming a ‘Follower’...

*ahem*

but then I remembered that Max is right... It’s Not About Me.

So... my bloggy birthday wish is that everyone who is reading this (gotcha! too late to back out now!) would do 3 little things:

check out Sarah’s Covenant Homes
give them a donation of any size (I’m serious! $5.00 would be a blessing!)
blog or post on Facebook about Sarah’s Homes

I think of Sarah as a modern day Mother Teresa. Really folks, she lives in India and rescues abandoned street children with special needs and gives them love, education, health care... life!!

Your dollars could go no place better!!

She’s my mentor and friend. GO!! MEET!! GIVE!! BLOG!!

Happy Birthday to me!! (my birthday is Monday, btw, but I’m giving you guys a head start.)

[Oh and PS. To all of you who said such lovely, encouraging things lately about me blogging... (((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))). You have no idea how much it meant to me.]

who’s teaching me

2011-02-24T05:14:00.001-08:00

So many blogs are teaching me so many things.

I could spend hours sitting here referring you to my favorites. (of which I have so very many!) Maybe I’ll start occasionally doing a post like this. Can’t stand the thought of leaving anyone out!

Here are 6 to start off with...

Holly is teaching me compassion.
Amy is teaching me humility.
Rebecca is teaching me courage.
Tova is teaching me to keep it real.
Courtney is teaching me I’m not alone.
Kristy is teaching me to look for joy.

Have fun meeting a few of my bloggy friends!

I’m a drip

2011-02-23T05:45:00.001-08:00

First off, a heartfelt thank you to the 13 people who want me to keep blogging.

After some reevaluation, I’ve decided that I blog to...

express myself with the written word (which I’ve enjoyed since I was a wee one) with the hopes of sometimes bringing a laugh and other times tugging a heart string
encourage families to adopt children (of every race, health condition, age or label) and open eyes to the 160 million forgotten orphans that Jesus commanded us to ‘care for’
banish old fashioned stigma surrounding HIV (thus promoting the life saving adoption of positive children)
bring comfort to moms parenting special needs kids (& kids in general!) with the knowledge that they are not alone

One of the things I struggle with, however, is the awareness that sooooo maaaaany bloggers out there are doing the exact same things... and doing them so much more effectively!

Ladies like Suzy, Courtney, Amy, Suzanne, Jenny, Carolyn, Leslie, Lisa, Corey, Tova, Rebecca, Holly, Sarah, Ann, Christine and sooooooo many other endearing, insightful, humorous, encouraging bloggers.

Maybe running the MomsRelate.com site has emphasized this point to me by seeing a literal directory of mom blogs by people in similar shoes - highlighting just how NOT original my blog is.

But then... somewhere in my feelings of low blog-esteem I think I lost sight of THE WHOLE POINT ...the camaraderie. The fact that we’re all out there, sharing our experiences, each one perhaps being only a single drop in the bloggy ocean, but without any individual drops, the ocean would dry up.

Yes, some drops have a significantly bigger following than others but that does not negate the purpose of us smaller drops.

(I haven’t even finished my coffee yet, so please pardon my drippy analogies.)

More later...

uncertainty

2011-02-22T12:05:00.001-08:00

time to reevaluate

2011-02-18T12:46:00.001-08:00

Reevaluate: evaluate or estimate the nature, quality, ability, extent, or significance of.

My blog takes time.

It probably doesn’t seem that way to non-bloggers, but I spend time

contemplating what to write on my blog,

wondering if I wrote too much or not enough on my blog,

taking pictures for my blog,

sizing and cropping pictures for my blog, etc.etc. etc.

Lately my blog, however, is making me feel

kind of exposed,

uncertain,

wilted,

and maybe even a little foolish.

I remember when I first started hearing about people “blogging.”

My first thought was how full of themselves these people must be to think that anyone else would have any interest whatsoever in their day to day drivel.

And yet here I am.

Driveling away, day after day.

Putting myself waaay out there,

and yet I don’t even know if anyone is reading

and, if so, what they’re thinking,

or how they’re judging,

or if my teeny tiny little drop in the ginormous blogosphere bucket

has any purpose or is making any impact whatsoever.

So I’ve decided to reevaluate.

Reassess what my blogging motivations are

and determine if they are truly worthy of the time they take.

- Prayers for clarity appreciated.

because who doesn’t need a smile?

2011-02-15T08:28:00.001-08:00

This is my friend Jenny.

(and by ‘friend’ I mean someone I follow but have never met, but with whom I have exchanged 2 whole emails and so now I feel special)

Jenny has this sweetness (and tremendous comedic timing) and I just can’t watch her without smiling.

And speaking of smiling...

This is one of our 4 cats, Bindi.

Cats = smiles.

flashback why we adopt

2011-02-14T05:27:00.001-08:00

I didn’t have a blog a decade ago when we started adopting...

so I’ve decided to do a series of posts sharing some of our memorable moments over the past 10 years that we’ve had the privilege of being an adoptive family.

Before we even got married, we decided to adopt our first child.

We had been waiting for months on a list for a baby girl from India... and then one day...

I STUDIED this picture. I ACHED to see the eyes opened. I framed this sweet image and put it on my bed table (in the kitchen, in the living room, copies in my purse, in the bathroom...).

There she was. Our daughter. 30 days old. Laying in a rusty little crib somewhere in Calcutta.

I couldn’t hold her or rock her to sleep or kiss her precious little nose... and it just. about. killed me.

But ... 7 and 1/2 LONG months later... we boarded a plane (a month after 9/11 mind you, against the advice of many well meaning folks who couldn’t quite understand that, come hell or high water, I was GOING TO GET MY BABY!)

The first time ever I saw her face ......

There are no words for how I felt in this moment.

The world stopped rotating.

Time stood still.

All that existed was this tiny little beauty and her big Bengali eyes...

My heart was so full of love that I thought I might pass out.

It would be humanly impossible for a mother to love a child any more than I did in that moment.

Biology could not have been more irrelevant.

We had only intended to adopt our 1st child and then probably have bio kids after that...

but this moment was so powerful, so completely satisfying, so all consuming....

that as we looked around the orphanage at the dozens and dozens of other precious babies

already BORN

and already in desperate need of parents...

biology could not have been more irrelevant.

As we rode around the crowded streets, we looked out the windows and saw

children

..naked..

..digging through the trash... for food..

Biology could not have been more irrelevant.

The ‘need’ to have 2.5 children who shared our DNA

suddenly seemed so trivial

and the words of Jesus... “Take care of orphans in their distress”...

suddenly seemed like less of a fun loving suggestion

and more of the LITERAL, BURNING, PRESENT, IMPERATIVE COMMAND

that it is.

THis and THat THursday

2011-02-10T11:38:00.001-08:00

Over the past 2 weeks I’ve only liked ONE contestant (either I’m getting pickier or the talent is getting fewer) but her unique, throw back style made up for the slim pickins....

A site I’ve spent ~~far too much~~ some time day dreaming on lately:

I’ve decided to borrow some power tools and see what happens. (you’ve been warned!)

A song I’ve had stuck in my head for a week now.

(Maybe if it gets stuck in YOUR head it will leave MINE.)

If you haven’t already added YOUR BLOG to the directory... why not!?

best adoption resource yet

2011-02-09T07:09:00.001-08:00

and her name is Dr. Karyn Purvis.

If you have adopted kids of ANY AGE at ANY STAGE... this stuff could change your life.

To be honest, I didn’t really want to use her approach because it doesn’t come naturally for me, and I knew it would require me stepping out of my parenting comfort zone.

I really enjoy my comfort zone.

But, after her materials were suggested to me for about the eleventy-billionth time, I decided to give it another chance. A whole hearted, open minded chance.

Nothing I’ve read or watched has helped us as much as this material.

So much research has been done on a child’s brain chemistry and how it is dramatically altered from ALL adoption related events, ranging from the mother’s intense stress and malnutrition before the baby is even BORN, right up until placement as an infant, toddler, grade-schooler or teenager.

This stuff is crucial for all adoptive parents.

But especially if you are struggling with an attachment challenged child... If you have NOT watched the videos by Dr. Purvis, please do.

“If I am the mother of a bio child that has a birth trauma and is palsied - it doesn't ever feel to me like that child is palsied to get back at me... but if I'm the mother of a child who is emotionally and spiritually palsied by their abuse, it's easy to misunderstand that that behavior is not about me but the history." - Dr. Purvis

She has personally parented and grand parented kids from the hard places, not to mentions years of working with at risk children all over the world.

She gets us... and she gets our kids.

Click here for over 20 videos by this attachment and adoption specialist.
Some of my other favorites are:

hiv positive moms

2011-02-07T08:09:00.001-08:00

Her favorite game is “Mumma-Daddy”.
She takes exceptionally good care of her dolls.
She’ll make a great mom someday.
Maybe to children she adopts.
Maybe to children she births.
Perinatal HIV infection rates can drop to as low as 1% for babies whose mothers are able to work together with their doctors during pregnancy, labor and birth.

“Effective HIV therapy for pregnant women can almost completely prevent infection of newborn babies." -Dr. Stan Houston, medical lead for the Northern Alberta HIV Program
What a blessing that our HIV positive daughter can live a long healthy life and, if she chooses, get married and have a family.
Some people are against HIV+ people having babies.
I believe that stance is rooted in the old fashioned misconception that HIV is a death sentence.
HIV is considered by the vast majority of health care professionals to be similar to diabetes. Quite easily manageable. Thus, the 1 to 2 percent chance that the condition will be passed on to another child is, in a way, similar to a genetic weakness a parent ‘may’ pass on to a child.
If it happens, so be it.
Life goes on.
Literally.
The worst case scenario is that the new baby will have a long healthy life and, if he or she chooses, go on to get married and have a family.
Sense a pattern here?
_________________________
(for more info check out the ‘Dig Deeper’ links)

ok, you want the truth?

2011-02-01T06:00:00.001-08:00

I got a question from a reader and I’ve gotten this question several times before, so I thought I’d answer it here.

Pam wrote: “I'm a health professional, so I see that aspect of living with HIV. What I'd like to know is.... tell me the bad. All of the blogs I read are warm, fuzzy, beautiful kids.... nothing "real" about the aspects of adopting with HIV, good and bad. We were in a little bit of shock when we adopted our 3 year old a year ago.... things aren't always warm and fuzzy, and much adjusting must take place. If you had to sum up "being real" regarding HIV+ adoption, what would you say?”

I love this question cause it sounds like something ‘I’d’ ask.

GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT and CUT THE CRAP.

Well, if you've read my blog for long than you know I don't do just 'warm and fuzzy'. I have blogged (much more than I was comfortable doing so!) about our newest daughter's attachment problems and that stuff is faaaaaaaaar from fuzzy.

It's exhausting, and even though I read a zillion books, went to adoption classes, worked with foster kids, attended seminars, and had 4 other adopted children... I was not prepared for how much havoc attachment issues can wreak on a family. It's hard, ugly, painful work.

I’m into blogging the truth. And the truth is that parenting an HIV positive child is EASY.

If you asked me for the truth about my experience adopting a 6 year old than I would tell you, gut level honesty here, that you better educate yourself about attachment problems and be okay with the possibilities before you sign up.

[Yes, I know that some orphan advocates don’t like to say that out loud because it might discourage some folks from adopting... but if parents aren’t prepared than they’re not doing the child any favors. I’m not saying DON’T ADOPT older kids... I’m saying DON’T ADOPT BLINDLY. ]

So, Pam, just as I am being hard core honest about the realities of attachment problems... I am telling it like it is about raising an HIV+ child. I really have dished the "good, the bad, and the ugly" here on my blog. I haven't kept anything back. (Click here to read my posts covering the good to the ugly.)
This is how I would wrap it up:

The Good: You get to know you saved the life of a child / you get to parent a kid like any other kid with all the rewards and challenges each one of them present.
The Bad: You have to give your child meds twice a day / see a specialist every 3-4 months / wear a glove if she’s bleeding.
The Ugly: Sometimes others are ignorant or uneducated. You’ve gotta be willing to either A) Ignore them or B) Educate them and C) Not care if they reject you and your scientific facts.

For us, the ‘Bad’ is totally no big deal. The Ugly, however, was hard. Surprisingly painful. For some strange reason I expected that everyone would be logical and accept proven facts. (and 99% have!) I’ve learned, however, that for some people F-E-A-R is stronger than anything else...facts included. It’s kinda like how everyone knows (statistically speaking) that flying is far safer than driving a car... and yet many are plagued by an irrational phobia of flying.

Some will try to push past their fear. Some will decide you’re not worth the trouble.

Still, the Good FAAAAR outweighs the Ugly.

Gut level honesty here: WE ALL FORGET SHE HAS HIV. It never even crosses our minds unless she gets cut and starts bleeding or something. Then, yes, we think of it and wear a glove while we slap on a band aid and get on with life.

I spent untold H-O-U-R-S making this video for the PRECISE PURPOSE of grabbing people by their antiquated fears and SHAKING them into opening their eyes to how life is with positive kids. The honest, honest, honest truth is that life with positive kids is just like plain old ordinary life with ANY kid.

No biggie. I swear.

(Thanks soooo much for your question, Pam, and if you have any specific wonderings, please ask! I surely don’t have all the answers, but I’m an open book about our experiences and I’d love to share.)

UPDATE: check out my friend Anita’s take on parenting positive kids!

passion with a plan!

2011-01-31T08:23:00.001-08:00

Click here to read about 15 year old Addisyn’s passion.

And spread the word!

now THAT’S some singin’

2011-01-29T13:45:00.001-08:00

So... from the sublime to the ridiculous. American Idol, baby!!! I admit, I love it.

I love the music, I love the nerves and the anticipation. I love the unbridled talent.

And I’m actually starting to love STEVEN TYLER!!!

“Baptist PK Mom of 5 falls for Steven Tyler” News at 11!

Seriously though. I still think he’s a kind of a creeper (and the dirty lyrics are just unnecessary) but some of the SWEEEEET THINGS he’s been saying to contestants lately... he’s got a wicked soft side! Gotta love a MAN with a soft side. (even if he does wear eyeliner)

When he kissed Chris Medina’s fiancé in her wheelchair and told her that Chris “sings so good, cause he sings to you.”

Oh. My. Pass the Kleenex.

ANY-way...

My 3 favorite girls so far:

Molly DeWolf Swenson (Love those low, husky notes from a girl. And the way she ended this song made me almost forgive her for working with Obama.)

Thia Megia (Don’t think I see a winner there, but top 20 maybe. Memorable quality to her voice, super cute, and her name is fun to say.)

Lauren Alaina (Come on! Adorable personality, not too shy OR too forward. And that great depth and range to her voice. She’ll go faaaar.) (says me and everyone else with ears)

My favorite guys so far:

Rob Bolin. (Scratchy voice, dripping with character, would be instantly recognizable on the radio... LOVE IT!! (He needs a little help from Wardrobe & Hair, but no biggie.)

Chris Medina (Yes. I said it. The heart-breaking-story-guy gets my vote. This should come as no surprise to anyone who has known me more than 10 minutes. Plus -bonus- he actually sings pretty good!)

What about YOU guys? Any favs so far?

F is for Friggin’...

2011-01-27T06:44:00.001-08:00

I can not get over how often Spicy plays dumb.

I am learning that this is a common characteristic of attachment challenged kids.

They are super smart, but pretend they don’t get certain random things as a way to control the situation/get attention.

We have been working on the alphabet and today we got to the letter “F”.

‘F’ as in Friggin’ annoying

I carefully showed (on a dry erase board) how easy it is to make the “F” if you already know how to make the “E” (which they do), because all you do is LEAVE OFF the bottom line!

(insert faux enthusiasm)

Well, Spicy just couldn’t quite wrap her little mind around it.

uh huh

From my reading on attachment issues, I’ve learned to play it cool. Keep my voice calm and basically act like I believe her. It would have the opposite affect if I were to get all flustered and TELL her that I KNOW she’s fakin’ it. She would gain 1) the response she wanted, which would encourage repeating this tactic 2) control over the situation. That’s not the outcome I’m seeking.

She tried her best (*ahem*) but somehow instead of leaving OFF the last line, she just kept making tons of EXTRA lines.

go figure!

So I bit my tongue and calmly suggested that she keep trying (over and over and over again) until she got it. I sprinkled in some smiley “I understand. The letter ‘F’ is just harder for some people. But you’ll get it! Just keep trying!”

pass the barf bag

Oddly enough, when it was time to get the stickers for good work and her brother got one but she couldn’t because she wasn’t done yet, (dragging her feet, “struggling” with those DARN “F’s”),

she suddenly figured out how to MAKE ‘em!

don’t tell her I said this, but...

2011-01-24T06:52:00.001-08:00

I want to write so much more than I do about my teenagers but, being teenagers, they are not thrilled to be made spectacle of, so I bite my tongue (or should I say fingers?) and try not to blog TOO often about them.
But, birthdays. Come on. No self respecting bloggy-mom can let a birthday go without a few pics and a little mush. Am I right?

Today is E’s 19th birthday.
When we met her in Ethiopia when she was 13 years old.
On our very first day together in the hotel in Addis, I told her not to do something and she said “No” and did it anyway.
That’s when I knew there was big fun ahead.
Headstrong. Gusty. Determined. Passionate. Opinionated. Stubborn. Unflappable.

(My mom always said God would pay me back for all those years she had to put up with my strong willed, immovable ways. I have 3 daughters like this, so I’d say she was right.)
She is a lot like me, which is probably why we butt heads sometimes, but she possesses some characteristics that I only WISH I had.
Like stick-to-itiveness.
The girl WILL NOT QUIT.
My husband taught her how to ride a bike and she must have fallen off that thing 648 times, but every.single.time. she got back up, wiped off the blood, and climbed back on that bike.
A couple of weeks went by and she was bruised and scraped from head to toe... but SHE CONQUERED THAT BIKE let me tell ya.
This is her MO. Persistence.

She argues with persistence (Lord help us), she plays sports with persistence (watch your back!), and she loves with persistence.
She’s got the guts to walk up to a total stranger and ask him if he knows God.
She loves Tai Kwon Do, drawing, fashion, Facebook, baking, movies, soccer and Jesus. (not in that order)
She isn’t sure yet what direction the Lord is leading for after graduation, but she’s potentially interested in nursing and, as soon as she can earn enough money, she’d like to go back to Ethiopia to visit relatives and volunteer in an orphanage.
She’s an awesome person, brimming over with potential, with more guts than any 10 people, and we are blessed.

fast fix

2011-01-22T07:43:00.001-08:00

It’s quarter of 8:00pm and you’ve only got 15 minutes to find chocolate before Idol starts.

WHAT DO YOU DO???

Microwave Hot Fudge Fix!

1 cup sugar
6 tablespoons cocoa powder
3 tablespoons cornstarch
dash of salt
1 cup water
4 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons vanilla

Mix dry ingredients together. Add water. Nuke for 90 seconds, stopping to stir every 30. Stir in butter and nuke/stir/nuke/stir in 20 second increments until it’s at desired thickness. Add vanilla when it’s done. Pour on anything edible. Grab the remote!

homeless NO MORE!!

2011-01-21T06:58:00.001-08:00

Remember “2 weeks away from homeless”?

Well this little boy’s FOREVER FAMILY was FOUND!!!!!

This is a picture taken of him right after he was told he had a family!

Click here to meet his ~~lucky~~ blessed parents!

And remember WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! ONE KID AT A TIME!!